Evergreen
Apr, 2020
People change, they're evergrowing
The world evolves, time's ever-changing
Our roads are long, they keep on going
Don't hold your breath now, nothing's ever stopping
But you, in the midst of all that's happened
Somehow you're still you
Kind, passionate, beautiful
And perhaps everything in between
Still my favourite colour
You remain evergreen
My Dear Bestfriends
Sept 3, 2021
My dear bestfriends,
Who’ve become my safe space,
The other home I run to for solace,
Thank you for lending your ears and hand,
For becoming the sister I never had,
Thank you for deciding to stay,
Despite circumstances coming into play,
Thank you for being gentle and kind with my heart,
Safeguarding my innermost secrets from the very start
My dear bestfriends,
Time and time again you’ve proven me,
It’s never about the amount of time we
Spend together when we are together,
Rather it’s the small acts of love that changed my life
It’s the random check-ins, love confessions and life talks,
The birthday presents of stickers, books and silly socks
My dear bestfriends,
Life has a funny way of meeting us together,
All of us travellers of different passages,
Yet our stars remain aligned no matter the weather,
I’m proud of who you you’ve become
And now I am proud to see who I’ve become
Because I see little fragments of you
Ingrained in little fragments of me too
24 in 2021
June 6, 2021
At 24,
I still don’t know who I am
and who I want to be,
I still get bouts of anxiety,
Still questioning my hopes, my faith, my identity
They tell me I’m smart, I’m pretty,
As if things get any more easy,
But the truth is I’ve never felt any of it,
Constantly reshuffling puzzle pieces that don’t fit,
Which part of me is smart when all I feel is clueless,
Which part of me is pretty when this face no longer lights up with hope,
When this heart just feels... incomplete
Things I dreamt of doing have become a distant reality,
I’ve lost track of time, writing poetry at two thirty,
Is this what growing up really feels like in this century?
A deadly pandemic, an economic downfall, a political mess, a vicious war-zone,
Too much of this turmoil and emotional complexities
For my head and heart to make sense on its own
Kota Korupsi
Dec 2017
Dalam retrospeksi
minda naif kecilku pernah berimaginasi
memikirkan dunia luar sana yang bagaikan fantasi
hati merontakan suatu kebebasan yang diimpi
namun kini ku sedari, itu semua hanyalah persepsi
seorang gadis kecil yang dahulunya bercita-cita tinggi
masa sudah tiba untuk kembali ke realiti.
Selamat datang ke Kota Korupsi
di mana manusia-manusia bertopengkan syaitan
kehausan kuasa, kerakusan harta duniawi
dipuja, dipuji dan disanjung tinggi
pil penawar pula makanan ruji untuk depresi
tiada lagi tempat mengadu, tempat meluahkan hati
hanya tinggal kata-kata yang kehilangan erti
terpapar di kotak skrin empat segi.
Bangsaku semakin alpa, agamaku jauh sekali
soal halal haram tidak dipertikaikan lagi
hanya topik sembang santai di kedai kopi
bicara hari nanti ditolak dahulu ke tepi.
Dunia yang dahulu semakin pudar
hanya serpihan di hujung sudut memori
masa berlalu terlalu pantas, terlepas dari jari-jemari
sekarang sudahpun tiba generasi baru menapakkan kaki
namun, lihatlah sejarah mengulangi dirinya sekali lagi
selagi nafas belum terhenti
selagi kita belum pergi.
Reflections on Love
Sep 2018
1. It always happens completely unexpectedly.
It could be a year from now, perhaps another 5 years, maybe tomorrow. It could be the person you've been liking for the
longest time, it could be your bestfriend that you didn't think you'd fall for, it could be the guy you met for three days
during your sister's graduation day. Nothing's ever really certain. You just don't know when it'll happen. And with whom.
2. It's good to know what you want. But never set expectations.
I've come to realise that what's most important is that you share the same or similar end-goals with the person. Having
different outlooks on life isn't necessarily a bad thing, as long as the things you wish to achieve in life are, or should at
least be aligned to one another - whether it's family, career or personal life goals. It's also good to know what you want in
a person in terms of his/her core values. BUT, having a list of what your dream person should physically and mentally
turn out to be? Nope, throw that out.
3. Self-love before anything else.
It's about acknowledging your flaws. Knowing and understanding your little quirks. Enjoying time by yourself and taking
pleasure in your own presence. Looking in the mirror and feeling beautiful/badass. Ultimately, it's about accepting
yourself exactly the way you are. Loving yourself first and foremost, above all else. And eventually having enough
confidence to know that however and whoever you are, the other person will come to love every single little detail about
you.
.....but what if they don't?
Simple. Get outta there. You don't deserve it.
You've got too much self-respect for that.
4. Take all the time you need.
In an era of technological advancements and glorified instant gratification, it's easy to fall into the abyss of wanting more
and more and wanting it NOW. Everywhere you look, everyone around you seems to be falling in love and having the
time of their lives. Pfft, it isn't that hard is it? People find their soulmates all the time. It's just a mere click of an app.
Swipe right, there you have it.
Now... here comes the hard-hitting truth. Falling in love is a literal piece of cake. Staying in love, now that's the hardest
part. This is where patience and taking the time to know a person is crucial. It's very important to know the person as a
friend first before anything else. Also, the friendship should make you feel comfortable enough to know that no matter
how much time you take and need, it only proves that it'll further flourish into something even more meaningful as time
progresses.
It's like cheese. It's only better with time.
5. It should set you free.
I used to think love is somewhat this concoction of paradoxes - it should be happiness and despair, goodness and pain,
all jumbled up into one. You're supposed to love someone so much till it hurts. You're supposed to miss him till your
head spins and your heart literally aches. It's supposed to make you feel like the worst.... but completely in love.
But as time passes and age matures me, I start to realise that it should be in fact, the complete opposite. Well, yeah,
maybe it should make you feel like all those generic lovey-dovey things like in rom-coms. It should make you happy and
grin like an idiot. It's gonna turn you into a big ball of cheesy fluff sometimes.
But what it should really feel is easy and breezy, like a pretty summer's day. No one has to feel like you're giving too
much and receiving too little when there's mutual understanding and love for each other. It shouldn't feel burdensome
when both of you respect your boundaries and spaces. There should too, be times spent apart. You are, after all, two
completely different individuals merged together. Your union should make you strong but light on the feet; attached but
not chained to one another. You are each the savoury and the sweetness of a PB&J sandwich; both constituting different
parts of a whole.